If singledom couldn’t get any stranger, it does.

While I navigate the small Vancouver dating pool it becomes apparent that my instincts are correct, and to much of what my dear witchy friends tell me, I will often take the plunge down YOLO lane. What are the results? Less than stellar, and sometimes leaving me with unwanted sucker fish love taps.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having after-work drinks, a young-ish businessman with boring style was sitting at our table. It was late on a Tuesday night, of course there is going to be a smorgasbord of intentions, blending the day jobs with the whatever jobs under one roof of double vodka sodas in beer mugs. As the businessman is made fun of at the table because he doesn’t have anything with him, my coworker pokes fun at him that he’s a hobo. Well, a rich one. The guy is snarky by taking his friend’s phone and showing us his bank account…I spat out my drink laughing because I knew I wasn’t paying my tab tonight.

 

Well, I paid in other sorts.

 

Said businessman, came back to mine to hangout as we van-cabbed with my bike. I drunkenly utter that I’m willing to take his necking further for a fee…he seems confused and hurt so I say, “nevermind”.

 

As the true kinkster in him came out, I was pleasantly surprised, but tired more than anything. I’m not 21 anymore damnit. Girl needs her 8 hours of shut eye! After spanking me with his belt for an hour, we called it a night. It was nice that he was interested in my french literature, but that was cancelled out when I woke up to a giant hickey on my neck. I feel like asking “who does that” but I’ve asked that too many times already.

 

The next couple of weeks I seem to be behaving and not having any new material to tell my roommate wifey about, until this past weekend. An attractive guy that connected with me on Bumble had hit me up after two months of no reply.

 

This really got to me because it seemed we were both keen to meet up but he just ghosted instead. I guess it’s something to be expected through the miserable modern dating world, and although I’m still interested in meeting with him again now, why do I feel this loss of power? I avoided three other former flames in the same day this past weekend because I felt I gave them all the most vulnerable sides of myself. It’s a great thing to be tender, but it’s not that great when said men don’t know what to do with it. It’s like giving hair clippers to a toddler.

 

As the day goes to night, I am out dancing with a bestie and comes along a tall, dark bearded guy who is offering his entire beer to me. I saw him drinking it and felt safe to have it, but I could have sworn he was with his girlfriend (he was).

 

After introducing to his girlfriend and telling me she couldn’t have beer because she’s gluten intolerant, I caught myself staring at my friend in confusion…even more after this guy invites me back to him and his girlfriend’s place. I for some reason, after a 10 hour day of open air dancing and raving, think this sounds like a great idea. My friend thinks I’m going to endure in some serious sexy times, she helps me out and drives me there as I talked it over with her on what to do. YOLO

 

Think again, Bunnie. Back at their lovely home which is almost next door to another bestie’s house, I’m falling asleep on the couch as we listen to Kendrick Lamar and drink water. The girlfriend offers me a charcoal sponge and nice face wash. The boyfriend brushes his teeth, the girlfriend brushes her teeth as the boyfriend spoons me on the couch. I ask him if I’m sleeping alone tonight and he says “most likely”. Girlfriend comes back with a sleeping pill for her boyfriend and politely invites him to bed, and he puts me to sleep in the spare bedroom. What is going on here? Did I literally just come to a stranger’s house for a platonic tuck-in to bed??

 

What did I learn this past month? Stick to your guns girl. Speak up, always expect the unexpected and charge it head on. Ask the big questions.

photo cred: @njcphoto